Case in point: I am in talks with a television producer about a pilot
script I wrote for a new science fiction series. For most people, this would be
cause for celebration. Even if nothing comes of these negotiations (which the
odds say are most likely), it is still reason to be proud and shouting from the
rooftops.
Instead I am totally freaking out ... and not in a good way.
Exactly. But in letters a mile high.
I can’t sleep. My stomach rages. My mind constantly worries over every
little nuance that the producer utters. Will he offer me an option? Will the
project see the light of day? Did my natural social awkwardness doom everything
right from the start to sink like the Titanic? What if things go well? What if
the unlikely happens and a television show is greenlighted? Will I have to move
my family away from family and friends and the support system we’ve come to
rely on? Can I handle rejection? Can I handle success?
On and on my brain churns. I exercise like I’m training for the
heavyweight championship of the world to distract myself. I meditate to clear
my mind. I keep plugging on with everyday life, reminding my anxiety-prone
personality that if things do fall through, then nothing is lost. Life will
continue on in its comfortable, well-known order. My life is already good. I
don’t need this type of success to be fulfilled. It would just be icing on an
already scrumptious cake.
But then I start thinking again. Thinking begets worry and worry begets
obsessing. I’m much too good at obsessing. I should wear the Queen of Obsession
crown. That’s how amazing I am at it.
The right-hand side is also what my brainwaves
look like at this point...a big tangled mess.
If you happen to cross paths with me, please forgive the wide-staring
eyes; the mumbled, half-coherent responses; the nervous shaking. Be gentle with
me. The opportunity of a lifetime is crashing on top of me. I’m not dealing
well with it. Remind me to breathe and remind me that no matter how this turns out
I will be fine. I know all that already ... I just need the rest of you to keep
repeating it to me. Maybe at some point, that squirrely part of my brain will
believe you.
You will do great. The good thing about people like us, is that we do our best work under pressure. These people you are dealing with will make a lot of money off of your screen play, so they are going to cater to you. Deep breath, exhale slowly and go talk to your guide.
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