Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Giggling Over Uranus


My eight-year-old has hit that magical milestone.  Yes, you know the one all boys must eventually reach.  It’s that wondrous age at which one thinks hineys are hilarious.  The butt of all jokes is ... the butt.

It’s become a routine for us at bedtime now.  He crawls under the covers as I search out tomorrow’s outfit (because neither of us are good in the morning for such momentous decisions).  I find his socks, underwear, jeans, and determine which shirt he will consent to wear.  Then I turn around to discover my son’s Hanes brief-clad rear waving in the air.  Happy giggles ensue the moment he sees he has my attention.

“Say goodnight to the butt,” he cheerfully invites me.

Ah, my son.  The wonder of your usual brilliance has been eclipsed by your moon.

I doubt he’ll grow out of finding such things hilarious.  Men rarely do.  Even great geniuses can’t seem to deny themselves the juvenile thrill that is crack comedy.  A trip to the Sistine Chapel will inform you of that.  The great Michelangelo himself could not refrain from having God moon the pious.

 Now that is a divine derriere.

 It’s only beginning.  I await with bated (and absolutely held) breath for the moment when flatulence becomes the height of wit.  It’s coming.  Heaven help me, it’s coming.  He’s a boy.  There is no escaping it.

Fart humor is why women love romance novels, I think.  Because no male in the real world outgrows the glee of contributing such moments with those he’s closest to.  It’s encoded in their DNA.  So we are subjected to husbands’ and lovers’ delight in sharing their gaseous gifts.


We women dream of a world where the masculine half of the species denies his base urge for funny fannies and the wazoo wit they produce.  No romance or erotic fiction hero gives his beloved the Dutch oven treatment.  He usually doesn’t do anything with his bum except parade its sculpted perfection.  It exudes beauty and nothing else.  We sigh with delight and not disgust. 

My son has begun his journey into the world of real-life men, though.  All I can do is apologize in advance to the significant other in his future.  Honestly, I had nothing to do with this. 

Well, except for the giggling at the sight of him waving his butt in the air.  It is pretty funny.

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